“There is a space in the waiting that requires us to quiet down
our soul and not let anxiety override us. “ - LaTianna
Anxiety comes in many forms, namely when we are waiting for favorable news or waiting for a goal to be accomplished.
Within the past few weeks, I have made many requests for favor in order to finish my requirements to graduate on time. There is a lot a pressure right now to balance counseling hours, school hours, work hours, and all of the other educational requirements I need to achieve. On top of this, I am still configuring ways for self care and other care with my relationships.
The process of needing to know my schedule to propel me forward has taught me two things about myself.
I hate waiting for an answer!
I hate waiting for the promise to manifest!
Can anyone relate to this?
It’s funny how confident you can be when you ask for what you want, only to gain anxiety afterwards. Not everyone will give you a straight-forward answer, and you will have to wait for their decision. You smile and look patient on the outside, but on the inside there are doubts and fears.
I want to know, and I want to know now!
Will it all work out?
Will I be successful ?
Will I need to think of a plan B, C, D?
Should I give up?
Will I be rejected again?
The more we reconsider the ‘what ifs’, the more we begin to reconsider if everything will be okay. It becomes a domino effect, and you're the one who initiated the first domino to fall down.
You are going to be okay. You are just going through a process I would like to call:
IN THE WAITING...
Surely, you don't know who you are until you find yourself in the waiting. We are always waiting for something to happen. It can be for a job, for a relationship to work out, to receive favorable news from your doctor, for someone to accept your movie script to begin production… and the list goes on!
It can hard and humbling when you need to wait on major life decisions. Sometimes you can stress yourself out to the point of feeling tense not only in your mind, but also in your body. You can get headaches, muscle aches and pains. You can feel tired to the point of exhaustion. You can also begin to feel resentful, angry, and very unsure of yourself.
It does not have to be this way. There are tools you can use to persevere in the waiting. You do not have to be filled with anxiety, doubts and worries. Negativity does not have to overwhelm you. Here are some keys to help you stay confident while in the waiting.
#1) Tell yourself you cannot always have control of the outcome.
With decisions must come answers: yes, no, or not right now. You must prepare yourself that everything cannot go your way. All or nothing thinking can effect your relationships with others and it can bring your mood down. Be careful and keep track of your thought life.
#2) Think of an analogy that helps you see that worrying gets you no where.
"Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it gets you no where."
Stress releases chemicals in our brain and we can automatically go into feelings of anxiousness. Sometimes it is comfortable because we are so used to it. We do not have to passively rock back and forth, thinking of everything that can go wrong, or worry what will become of us. Most of the things we worry about never happen. Are there any other analogies you can think of that can help you see how being anxious will not change your situation or someone's decision about you?
#3) Pray. Meditate. Affirm yourself.
There is a saying: “Set your mind on things above, and not on things beneath.” You can actively set your mind on a prayer, meditate on it, and release all of your worries. It does not have to be a long prayer
Here are some examples:
“In all things I will give thanks for where I am right now. I choose to keep calm as I wait for their decision on __________. I release all of my doubts and fears, never to pick it back up. Amen (let it be). "
“I have a sound mind, and I will not doubt myself."
"I have come a long way, and I am not a quitter. “
“I speak peace over my mind. I speak to my body, rest. I speak to my spirit: Be well.”
#4) Recognize you do not need to make a decision yet until they give you an answer. You do not need to come up with a plan B right away. If you use your time to think of another way already and they approved your request the next day, then you wasted your time! Instead, make a list of things that are in your control, and write down 5 goals you can accomplish for your day. Focus on completing your daily life tasks, and try not to think so far ahead in the future.
#5) Recreation therapy
Leisure activities to divert your attention is beneficial. Staying in movement will help your body destress and release chemicals that will help you cope, instead of sinking into feelings of depression and/or anxiety.
Here are some activity ideas that are passive, active, or social:
Walk in the park, beach, neighborhood. Listening to your 5 senses.
Watch a funny movie solo or with a friend
Join a fitness group/class
Plan a Sunday dinner with family
Draw, paint, or sing
Reflecting on this process helped me to see how patience is a virtue. I used to roll my eyes when someone would say that phrase, but now I can see why patience is a fruit of the spirit. It is very important to keep your peace, rather than having peace taken away from you.
I give you permission to find grace and fun in the waiting. After all, we only have one life to live!
